Last night, just before midnight, I got a call from the transplant center. Yup, you guessed it - they had a kidney for me. I was number 2 on the list which meant that if I had said yes, I would have a new kidney today.
Bonnie was very nice about it and said that she knew I had a live donor, but she went ahead and called anyway since I was number 2. She said it was up to me.
After hearing that the donor was 55, killed in an auto accident, I was thinking no - I'd rather have the younger kidney. Then she told me that he was a lifetime smoker, had high blood pressure, and was an intravenous drug user in his teens and early twenties. Decision made - no thank you.
I feel horrible - here is a family that is suffering a great loss and they offer his organs and I'm being picky about it. I'm sure they found a taker for the organs - there are so many people waiting on donations that there is no doubt there.
I'm not sure what I would have done had I not had Josh's offer on the table. Although I've been called over 15 times as a backup, this was my first time being called as one of the "chosen 2". It just didn't feel right and the only way I can make these decisions is to trust what my heart is telling me.
Please say a prayer for me that this call was not "the one" and that this will work out with Josh.
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